Zombies & other missed opportunities

So much attention is focused on the year ahead that some crucial here-and-now issues are being overlooked. Where, for instance, are restaurant zombies?

The flesh-eating un-dead rallied at the end of 2011 to rival vampires as the scary characters of the moment. They’re the stars of cult TV shows (“The Walking Dead”), movies (“Remains”), video games (Plants vs. Zombies), literature (celebrated novelist Colson Whitehead’s “Zone One), and music (the slash-metal band Terrorizer is scheduled to release “Hordes of Zombies” in February).

No longer are zombies thriving on the societal fringes populated by pierced youngsters sporting weird black shoes and heavy eyeliner. New York magazine, a favorite of Big Apple hipsters, recently featured a nine-story special section on surviving a zombie attack (“Know Thy Enemies,” “Should You Stay or Go?”, “Hole Up Here.”)

They’ve even inspired a prank. The billboard-style road signs that highway departments use to warn of detours or construction ahead are being hacked and reprogrammed to alert drivers of an imminent zombie attack.

So where’s the restaurant-zombie connection? No one would dispute that restaurants are as much a part of American life today as sports and having a couch. Zombies are an entertainment phenomenon of our time, but they’ve yet to spill over into the restaurant business as promotional stars, the inspiration for menus, or the foundation for a new concept.

No Snarling Undead Burger. No Flesh & Blood Café. No zombie McDonald’s character.

But this is hardly the only missed promotional opportunity for the restaurant business. Consider the other social phenomena that somehow slipped past without a tie-in, or at least not much of one:

Nigel Tufnel Day: Tufnel, of course, is the fictional lead guitarist of the quasi-fictional band Spinal Tap, the focus of the Rob Reiner mockumentary, “This is Spinal Tap.” One of the movie’s memorable moments was Tufnel’s explanation of why he loved his new amp so much: The volume dial goes up to 11, not 10, as most amps do. Reiner sheepishly asks how an 11 is any different from a 10 if they both represent the maximum output of a similarly powered amp. Tufnel’s defense of 11 led fans to dub Nov. 11—a.k.a. 11/11/11—as Nigel Tufnel Day. But did you see any LTOs geared to the occasion. NO (that’s on volume setting #11).

Ugly sweaters: Actually, this one hasn’t been totally overlooked by restaurants. The Chick-fil-A in Chicago’s Water Tower Place is offering a deal to anyone who shows up with a really, really bad sweater. And D.C.’s Café Saint-Ex hosted an Ugly Sweater Party, where the patrons with the worst knit-job won $50 gift certificates.
Those places were among the few that took advantage of the sleeper Ugly Sweater Phenomenon. There are actually online ugly sweater stores, and “ugly sweater” is quickly emerging as a new category of retail apparel. The movement even has a celebrity spokesman of sorts in talk show host Jimmy Fallon.

But have you seen Ronald McDonald in a red-and-white monstrosity adorned with garish reindeer and Santas?

I rest my case.

A peck of--well, you can guess

Now for some tongue aerobics: Burger chains are picking peppers with plenty of pop as their present promotion for pulling patrons.

The translation for lounge-chair linguists: Whataburger has joined McDonald’s and Burger King, among others, in trying hot peppers this winter as a means of putting some sizzle in sales.

Starting today, the Texas titan is celebrating Jalapeno Week, when customers can get free jalapenos—whole, sliced or grilled—on any sandwich or main item. The chain says it usually fields about 200,000 requests a week for the pepper add-on, apparently for an extra charge.

The chain’s cult-like fans won’t be the only ones gulping more soda this month. McDonald’s is inviting patrons for a limited time to punch up their Angus burgers and snack wraps with a chipotle barbecue sauce.

Bits of jalapeno are part of the draw for Burger King’s ballyhooed new Stuffed Steakhouse. The diced peppers are mixed into the ground beef, along with cheddar cheese.

The latter has been the subject of considerable buzz online—and not all of it good. The speckled appearance has drawn a fair amount of snarky commentary, with more than a few critics likening the sandwich to meatloaf on a bun. They’ve been much kinder in addressing the taste.

It remains to be seen if Whataburger’s promo will get some extra lift from the bigger chains’ pepper-y pushes.
Sorry about all the alliteration. It’s sort of a reflex when you mention peppers to a guy named Peter.

The cutting edge of marketing?

You can sense the pressure on restaurant chains to develop new and preferably inexpensive ways to market themselves, particularly their latest menu choices. The last few days brought a few results worth noting, though for decidedly different reasons. For instance, interrupting consumers’ vacations is at best a risky endeavor. Some might say foolhardy.

Yet that’s exactly what Domino’s did in a stunt to publicize its new Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake dessert. When people think about lava, what comes to mind? Volcanoes, of course. So the pizza delivery chain figured it’d blitz North America’s most famous volcano, the postcard-perfect Mt. St. Helens in Washington State, with a product giveaway.

Because there isn’t a Domino’s in the ultra-green area, the chain hired a helicopter yesterday to swoop in with 1,000 of the new desserts. The surprise delivery was aimed at the unsuspecting tourists “as they enjoyed breathtaking views of Mount St. Helens,” Domino’s announcement explained.

The statement noted that consumers were given a heads-up via Twitter and Facebook. Which, of course, all the visitors were checking as they gazed upon one of the most stunning natural sites in the United States.

Domino’s hailed the event as a huge success. But you have to wonder how a family would react as their reverie in staring at the volcano was interrupted by a 40-decibel fast-food delivery. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest the stunt was likely a surprise to the sightseers, and probably not a happy one.

Less controversial are the new marketing programs announced by California Pizza Kitchen last week to its investors. Co-CEO Rick Rosenfield explained that the chain has launched what one financial analyst characterized as a VIP card for CPK fans. The new Adventure Card entitles the bearer to a 20% discount on new products introduced by the chain through Sept. 15. The offer is being supported by a new ad campaign.

That’s hardly a measure that could put vacations at risk. But you have to wonder if it plays into the pratfall of all discounts aimed at fans of a concept: Are you truly drawing additional visits and transactions from loyal followers, or are you merely cutting the take from a sale you would’ve made anyway?

Rosenfield also mentioned a new “business-to-business” campaign. He didn’t explain the program, but the context suggested it may be a telemarketing blitz to boost catering sales.

He did explain that the chain will try an off-premise, centralized call center to boost takeout business, which currently accounts for 14% of CPK’s sales. That test will commence next month, he said.

In discussing the chain’s financial results for the second quarter, CFO/COO Sue Collyns noted that delivery sales tanked for the chain in early July. The chain uses third-party delivery companies to truck its pies to consumers’ homes. The new call-center test is intended to recapture some of that off-premise business, she and Rosenfield indicated in their comments.

Rosenfield cited the company’s determination to reach customers “through all our many touch points.” He didn’t mention any helicopters.