Party on, Mariano

Never mind the buzz about Osama Bin Laden. The frozen-margarita machine is about to turn 40!

The official anniversary is May 11, according to a press release issued this morning. It noted that the Smithsonian Museum spent a year verifying the date and the identify of the inventor, a Dallas restaurateur named Mariano Martinez, who, like Fergie and Adele, usually goes by his first name.

The Smithsonian—as far as I can tell, an institution supported by our tax dollars—pointed out that the frozen dispenser placed tenth on a list of American inventions. Number One was the light bulb, and you have to presume the slider and the straw were in their someplace.

"No, it's not the Model T, but we have a lot of little things in the museum that are little innovations that became important,” said Smithsonian curator Dr. Rayna Green.

She doesn’t need to convince me. When the kitchen of my current house was renovated, I argued passionately for replacing the stove, a worthless dust collector, with a genuine margarita dispenser. But apparently that concession to reality fell beyond the “for worse” provision of the marital vow, as my wife (who refers to herself as my first wife) sharply pointed out at the time.

If only I'd had the data point that was released this morning: Americans drink 185,000 frozen margaritas in a typical evening hour. Think of how many more Facebook friends we'd have landed with an in-house margarita machine!

I don’t mean to trivialize the historic news of this day. But let’s give it up for the frozen drink machine. Without it, what would a dozen Tex-Mex chains serve with their nachos and chips?

Simon didn't say 'do that'

The following is a public service announcement to the nation’s casual restaurant chains.

Have you lost your minds?

Part of the reason you’re currently living a blues tune is a lack of differentiation in your menus. Every concept could rename itself That Place Serving a Bloomin’ Onion, Nachos, Fajitas, Burgers, Spinach Dip and Margaritas, and it wouldn’t be lying. A follow-the-leader approach led everyone toward a cliff.

So how are you trying to right the situation? Consider the latest promotion from Applebee’s: A $9.99 sirloin served with two sides. In a stunning coincidence, the LongHorn casual chain is also featuring a $9.99 steak dinner as of this month. And Outback has been selling a 6-oz. sirloin as part of a dinner for a penny less than $10 for a number of weeks. What are the odds???

At least Ruby Tuesday and T.G.I. Friday’s, two concepts that had their starts as “fern bars” (youngsters, ask your folks, but DO NOT bring up leisure suits), are resisting the temptation to copycat. As Ruby CEO Sandy Beall told investors last week, “We believe our burgers offer [an] incredible, differentiated and value category that resonates well with our guests.”

Okay, the chain also noted during the conference call that it was pushing a $5.99 burger with all-you-can-eat fries. But it’s sticking with a key point of differentiation. I mean, what other casual chain offers burgers? It’s not like Chili’s or Red Robin are known for that item.

And Friday’s? Well, consider the promotional head-turner it started pushing yesterday. Here’s the headline from the announcement: “T.G.I. Friday's Restaurants Unleash The 'Ultimate' Burger.”

I think I need a margarita. Or a ‘Rita. Or maybe a Lobsterita.

What are the odds???