Say wha?

This could be a breakout week for chiropractors. With heads snapping left and right to catch the extraordinary restaurant news, we’re probably one neck strain away from a whiplash epidemic.

Consider, for instance, how many crania swiveled like desk chairs to make catch the incredible story that arose from France. After working hard for years, a brasserie there was awarded a coveted star from the Michelin guide. It’d be the equivalent of a U.S. restaurant getting a “semi-orgasmic” rating in every Zagat category.

But ears were cocked because this wasn’t a little-restaurant-that-could story. A one-star rating assumes that a place maintains a certain level of service, even if traffic rises. Le Lisita staffed accordingly and realized it had to raise prices to temper the wallop to margins.

Instead, the restaurant decided to cede the star.

I vaguely remember a restaurateur saying that a star in a Michelin-like rating system can bring an additional $40,000 in business. This place publicly attested that it wanted to keep prices at a level that wouldn’t give loyal patrons a case of sticker shock.

But that’s only the start of the week’s Ripley’s news. You may well have seen the results of a new survey that found Subway to be the top choice by far of quick-service consumers who want to dine more healthfully. That, to be honest, is a yawner of a data point.

Far more interesting is what brand finished second: McDonald’s. Not Chipotle or its fresh-ingredient brethren in the burrito sector. Not Panera or the other New Generation sandwich concepts. A brand once synonymous in many minds with unhealthy eating has become a viable option to the careful-dining crowd.

Finally, consider how much latte must’ve been spitted by New York Times readers when they came to the end of a recent story about Robert Gates, the outgoing U.S. Secretary of Defense. The longtime public figure (and onetime director of Brinker International) was asked what he’d do immediately after his retirement was official. “Go to Burger King,” he said.

Give that man a crown.

Bad time to be a mascot

Think your job is less than secure? Try working as a fast-food mascot.

Groups have used petitions and newspaper ads to call for the firing of Ronald McDonald, who was getting less camera time in commercials as it was. But at least headquarters publicly reassured the clown he’d always have a place at McDonald’s headquarters to park his oversized red shoes.

Not so for the Burger King figurehead, who, rumor has it, was studying Portuguese to get in good with the new Brazilian owner. Today brought a blockbuster news report from the Miami Herald about a reimaging campaign for the Number Two burger chain. As part of the facelift, the wooden-faced King will be downgraded from everyday star to the old guy who’ll be kept on the bench for pinch-hitting situations.

The chain has realized that the King resonates too well with young blue-collar males, the so-called super heavy users of fast-food restaurants. It wants to broaden the Home of the Whopper's scope to include more women and families.

Reports that the King is now moonlighting as the recurring killer in direct-to-video horror movies could not be confirmed. It just seems certain he may be logging some bench time, maybe down in the dungeon.

I guess we should look at the bright side. Jack, of Jack in the Box fame, is routinely picked as the mascot whose head is most likely to roll, though that speaks more to the shape of his noggin than any concerns about job performance. He also has a front-office position as chairman.

And let’s not forget the Jollibee bumblebee. Despite the decimation of honeybees, the mascot continues to buzz along, drawing customers to his Filipino chain.

Maybe the King could fill in for vacations.