It's no rubber vomit

If you’re over 25 or haven’t worked a drive-thru window, you’ve probably not been splattered yet by the latest craze in restaurant prank-dom. But fear not, you legions who still chuckle at the thought of a Whoopee Cushion. This is no squirting lapel flower.

Indeed, coning may be the dumbest thing since the Macarena. Here’s how it works, as you can see for yourself via countless YouTube postings.

A customer pulls up to the drive-thru window of a fast-food place to get his or her soft-serve ice cream cone. But instead of taking the treat by the cone as it’s handed through the window, the perpetrator grabs it by the top so the ice cream squishes through the jokester’s fingers.

As far as I can tell, the hilarity is not seeing the ice cream fly in all directions, but in witnessing the restaurant employee’s face as the patron proves to be an ass. Ideally, the person in the passenger seat will capture the scene on a phone and post the video on a sharing site.

For added hilarity, keep holding the treat by the ice cream, turn your hand so the cone is on top, and start eating it that way, as if the situation is perfectly normal.

Video-taped perpetrators have included Justin Bieber, who should have his bowl-sculpted hair smacked, as well as several other young celebrities. Their clips have been viewed by millions of YouTube fans.

At least the prank isn’t as dangerous as the fire-in-the-hole gag that reigned a few years ago. With that fit of dumbness, a drive-thru customer would take a drink or a gooey item from the employee, yell “Fire in the hole!,” and fling it back at the staffer.

There, too, the objective was to have someone else in the car capture the scene on video and post it to YouTube or the like. But the fad came to a particularly ugly end when a prankster ran through the gag at a Boston Market, flinging a platter of hot mac and cheese at the drive-thru attendant. He suffered second-degree burns, and the jokester was arrested.

You can only hope that coning loses its appeal very quickly. Stupidity that profound is an embarrassment to us all.

Random thoughts III

When everyone’s giving away food that’s remarkably similar in the first place, service becomes the real way of differentiating restaurant chains that compete at a given price level. That underappreciated fact was underscored today by coverage of how both Boston Market and Chili’s are trying to shake off their lethargy.

A USA Today story revealed that Boston Market is moving toward the classic fast-casual model by testing table delivery. Guests place their order, take their seat, and wait for the food to be brought to their table.

CEO Lane Cardwell also noted that the concept will strive to be more of a true market, vis-à-vis Eatzi’s and the gourmet food shops that inspired both it and Boston Market.

Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal ran a super-premium story on how Chili’s is hoping to get its pizzazz back. Last week the chain started serving a different sort of burger, made from chuck and formed by hand to retain more of the meat’s juices, the article noted.

It also reported that the recipe for its Baby Back Ribs has been rewritten. The ribs are now smoked for a longer stretch, using pecan instead of mesquite to impart more flavor.

Service enhancements are also part of the revitalization effort. The story noted that restaurant-level employees were required to partake of a distance-learning program on service. Among the upshots is a requirement that servers now look all guests in the eye and cite new features of the menu.

Lend a shoulder for headhunters to cry on

I’m holding a tissue drive for the industry’s executive placement specialists, commonly known as headhunters. They’ll likely be burning through Kleenex this week after what must’ve been excruciating months of watching the grass grow, the bills pile up, the accountants nixing luxuries like a communal box of nose dabbers. Now that the tears are being shed in joy instead of despair, why not let them sob and honk a bit?   

The week is less than 48 hours old, yet we’ve already seen two screaming indications that companies are making big hires again. Lane Cardwell, a longtime veteran of casual dining, was appointed CEO over the weekend of Boston Market. On Monday evening, Carin Stutz, a standout who seemed on the CEO track at Applebee’s, was named COO of Global Business Development for Chili’s parent, Brinker International. They’re the sort of placements that give headhunters the vapors, a giddiness they likely haven't felt in awhile.  

Both of the week’s marquee recruits are huge talents, and, interestingly, both were previously under-employed. Their return to full-time duty suggests the smart companies are starting to raid the considerable bench of talent that’s been formed by the cut, cut, cut imperative of the last nine months. The mindset might be shifting back to assembling a standout team, instead of hacking one to bits for the sake of a budget.  

That possibility seems more likely when you consider a few big-name hirings in April, like Bennigan's recruitment of David Goronkin as its new leader, or Real Mex Restaurants' appointment of Dick Rivera as CEO. They, too, were previously under-employed What seemed at the time to be exceptions to the rule may in hindsight be the early indications of an emerging trend.

If the recent developments are indeed the first signs of a shift, it’ll be high-five-worthy news for headhunters. So, please, do your part as they cry for joy. Steal all the tissues you can from your accounting department, and donate them to a worthy placement agency.